25 March 2020

Nothing special day. Woke up late and didn't ate breakfast. Had corn and egg. Watched office series most of the day. Boringly spent all day. Afternoon session went to office around 4ish. Regular chit chats with H RR and Ch. No special talks. It has been 3 days i had solid food.

So while returning to the room, i thought of buying biryani. However staying true to my wayward nature ..roamed the places like dog for almost an hour. In the end, i ate some vada and chicken kabab. 

The Kabab was eaten in the home by getting parcel. By the time i started to eat, the pieces became so dry due to this humid climate may be. It was not at all good. I couldn't chew properly. still i somehow eaten(or swallowed) full. Later to this, i felt really bad for not sticking to the original plan of biryani. Stomach felt heavy and not good. Most of the night spent time in thinking how it would have been, if i got biryani or fruits for the same amount i spent on kabab. Hope i don't repeat this kabab fiasco any day again.

Night full on office series watching. Today morning for no reason again i Md'd. If i retrospect there is no specific feeling to go for it. still i done. i think this is what addiction is. the everytime story behing Mdd would be this :

I get really frustrated and lonely ...and somehow i get angry on myself. then i choose the only option i have.  i.e. mdd. How pathetic of me!

Then the moment that is done, i fell bad for doing it.. thereby not even enjoying it. This saga was continuing for a very long time.

Upon too much deliberations with my mind, i think i can only stop this mdd only if i am not lonely. i.e. i was compelled not to do because there is not that lonely atmosphere to go for it. I regret the day..i got to know about mdd. A very good amount of time was spent in this waste endeavour in my life. These days it is once in 2 days.