24 March 2022

Nothing special yesterday. same old day. Started with boredom and ended with boredom. Office wise...same old story. No work to do and no one cares.

That nifty bear spread is giving me little tension. it was under 1.8k profit yesterday and today it came to negative. lets hope i get a profit at the end. additionally D gave TCS option strategy also yesterday. That seems to be profit as of now. I had a profit of around 1 L and 65k in my W and my account in the month of December. But today as i checked it came down to 50k and 30k respectively. If you add unbooked profit then...it might come down to zero. 9 months of profit = 2 months of loss. that is share market of you. knowing this fully...once a time in the last year..seeing this profits i felt that i could generate passive income from this. How dreamy of me !

Money from share market is tough. it requires certain skill set with more emphasis on patience. One cannot get rich overnight and stay there long in here, Learn and practice. stick to the learnings. Risk management and position sizing are important. I can say this - if i have adapted strict stop loss for the trades i took in the last 4-5 months, surely i would not have lost this much money. my learning here to take is - book loss if it touches your stop loss, keeping aside the emotions. Had to see..how i fare in the next year. In December...i thought i was about to close this FY with about 18% annual return. Now ..in just 2 months, the returns had come down to 6%.

Morning session i skipped the office. Eat egg and borugulu in the morning. Afternoon - kusalu and borugulu again. No proper food ate in the whole yesterday. if you look at it..for 2 days i had not had any solid food.

Around 3-4, went office. Nothing in the office to do except to chat. Blurted about RR getting help from CC indirectly to CH. that was not at all needed from me..still i did it. Very bad behaviour of me. Then came to know the S operation which i thought W people are doing today is not of them...but of Hyd connecting S. So...my jealousy had gone off now. Whole night, i couldn't digest that fact of W doing the S and making money. entha digajaravu ra character lo!!

Then while chatting with RR came to know about CC staff (particularly one category person). His work in the section is very limited..but while in the other aspect he want everything. Heard that he is expecting 1L for every group. I was of the opinion that CC was kind hearted (other words helpless) to deal with that particular person. But RR pointed out that dealing with category is mess and many people just avoids it. Felt true.

If you are category ..you can just do 'things' in this sector more freely and darely. What pathetic state of affairs!!

Dinner, i just had Guava, Corn and borugulu. No solid food for whole day. Dont know what i am doing with my health.

Whole night is filled with W issues. Same old issue. MIL vs W. As for the nth time, MIL belittles W about the job issue. As usual W gets sad, angry. that is the crisp of the story.

In detail ..MIL expects W to be wonder women. She expects W to have job. She is jealous about other girls doing jobs and earning money..but not W. so naturally...as in when she gets chance she encourages (pressurises?) W to go on with the job endeavour. 

In the last 4 years..my thoughts about my inlaws. They are narrow minded. Stuck in the age old patriarchal mindset where son is everything and daugther is just a responsibility (burden?). The moment W finished college, they washed out their responsibility through our marriage. No dowry would have propelled them even more in this alliance.

So..after the marriage, many a times this job issue has copped up. I myself was at loggerheads. Seeing my mother from my childhood, i know both the pros and cons of a working mother in the family.  But after realizing the money hunger of W...i had to accept and adjust. this money hunger was planted and nurtured by MIL since W childhood. this i was not aware prior to the marriage. this was not their fault ..it is me who should have been little smart in  knowing and estimating people. So..fate joined us. The non-money lover with a money lover. 

So...in the initial 2 years of my marriage, i supported with W job trails. I was not 100% cooperative. but i had done all the things in my capacity to give W the enough time to prepare for jobs. Kids were kept hold for 2 years as against 1 year of my liking. Sadly..that job trails were unsuccesful. 

So..naturally, kid came in to picture and job trails were kept in the backfoot for sometime. But..now kid is little grownup (10 months) and same old job story is again making family headlines everyday. Now it is Software field as against the Govt sector in the initial 2 years. because...these days with covid, work from home, technology needs, IT sector has grown and been profitable. So the needs of manpower increased and their is job demand. Many back door jobs were getting filled and avg people are getting handsome salaries.

so...seeing/hearing all that MIL and W want to enter this and get a job. MIL expects W to get this backdoor job in a whiff. Even W was also motivated and brain washed enough by my MIL that ..there is no life with out a job. so W is under constant stress of this job thoughts recently.

With a 10month baby...it is just next to impossible to pursue job trails by a mother, in my opinion. Trails of job preparation by W at this point of time will only add stress levels ..nothing good is going to come. 

By MIL...now W has reached a point where if she doesnot get a job, she is useless. and life is non enjoyful. All i ever wanted in life ..is a contentful person beside me as against this unhappy W now. I always lead and is leading life with more regrets. so...if i was added by another person like me in life...then surely that family wont have any happiness. 

but ...fate is making this thing. Fire is being added with fire here. Hope this does not have effect on the kid. Unhappy parents = unhappy kids. thereby they grow and become even sad.

Thanks to my MIL...W is concerned about money all along in life. and now this job bug. This MIL person has turned the tables in the money issue for 100 times since marriage. We never had direct talking in this topic. whatever was told it was conveyed through my wife. 

The reasons for not giving dowry during the marrige by MIL from time to time -

1. W parents are afraid of my mothers using of that dowry money. they think my mother will keep it herself, with out giving to us.

2. W parents spent heavily on marriage. so there is no money left to give.

3. W was told that...as nothing was given now, you will be taken care surely. etc etc

FIL has promised me of 30L after retirement before marriage. this was told personally ..there was not one to witness that. I when spoken with RR ...came to know that this cannot be relied upon. things change. there are no honest people in todays generation. so i am well aware that there is no surety in this thing.

being parents ..i would have expected W parents in making W realize that, nothing is going to come from them after marriage. but things did not happen like that. Rather than sticking to the truth...these idiotic W parents kept on false assurances to W and spoiled her head. 

One thing is sure...these W parents are the worst i saw. there are bad parents in the world who stick to their nature. worst people are those who act as good and inside they are pure evil.

I only hope....atleast now, they blurt/vomit everything they have in mind to W. so that everything will be peaceful. 

In the first chance they got, they washed out the hands from the responsibility of the daughter. Why the hell they should act as if they are worried about W life. Why spoil W mind in the name of job ? My create rift in my family with seeding the thoughts of job in the mind of W?

God knows what MIL is up to?  sincerly pray that my 10 month old dont pay the price for this.

AMEN