21-03-2022 11:45 AM
Life is going on with out
any excitement. For the last 2 years ..life is nothing but dull, boring. The
moment I posted to this new office, this boring phase has started. There is
really not much work in this office. All I had to do was go to the assigned
places and deliver the letter. In 2021 starting ..i had difficulty doing this
work, since the places assigned were some 1000 Kms away from my place of work.
Later on, after the advent of Wave-2 ..personal delivery of letters were stopped
and mere sending the letters through post was started. And thereby my lethargy
even increased with no real work to do in the office.
Parallelly ..in the
personal front, I have been staying in my home alone for the last 1 year. My
wife left to their parents house in 5th month of pregnancy. Now our
kid is almost in to 10th month. That staying alone also had its toll
on me for being this bore. Personally staying alone and at work front, nothing
much to do. Enough reasons for a overthinker like me, to bombard brain like
anything.
There is too much ample
time to do anything I want in these 2 years. That is boon for anyone who is sailing life with
tensions. But I converted that boon into something else. Nothing productive I
had done in these 2 years. I spent most of this time in needless worrying about
the future, on which no one had any control. How pathetic of me!
23-03-2022
Yesterday whole day I am
ok. I was talking with my friends as usual chatting, sharing things etc etc.
Suddenly in the evening, when I sat with R..i came to know he was offered 20K
for work in the CC section. He was deputed to that section on do-duty since
workload was high and staff was not competent enough to complete. No only that
20k, but also R got help from CC head in looking out rented house/apartment. As
usual, I felt the pinch. I am jealous no doubt. But also I do know completely
even if I am in R place, I could get that help on rental accommodation. I never
had that skill in talking and building rapport with people surrounding me. Even knowing
this, my feeling of jealousy was unavoidful.
To add salt to the wound, I
kind of known that W section is planning of S tomorrow. After knowing that my
mind flew to the money aspect itself. Surely a S means…it has the potentiality
of good money in range of Ls. In this case also, the tinge of jealousy was not
avoided by me. All these people R H and S are just doing their work and then
that money aspect is coming into them. It is not like, they are working solely
seeking that. Fate has positive intentions to them, because they are good
people. Unlike me who is deep rooted in envy and jealousy.
Some part of me was daring
enough to think that, R might not be too happy with everything since I am of
the opinion that getting unduly favours will only have bad effects later on. How
foolish of me.
నువ్వేం పీకలేవు కానీ ఎదుటి వాళ్లుపీకితే మాత్రం నీకు ఏడుపు. మళ్లా దాని cover చేసుకోవడానికి పనికి మాలిన justifications . కర్మ రా నాయనా !!
That’s it…That R story and
then S action tomorrow…has awakened the devil thoughts in me. For no fault of
anything, my mind lost its track. What ever planned good was tossed aside..and
wasted time and everything. Knowingly..i ate Gobi which will have detrimental
aspects of my health. Then wasted full day by watching ‘office’ series till
midnight. No lunch, no dinner yesterday. Whole day I wasted by thinking the
useless thoughts.
And today..as usual, I Md
in the morning solely because I am frustated that everyone around me is happy
and I’m not. No words to put this sick behaviours of me. Patheitc and Gira huva
aadmi myself.
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